I fell asleep at the wheel and almost killed myself Friday night...no license or insurance - page 4

food and sugary drinks will not kill you if oyu have it 4 times a week. or put other people lives at risk. it only affects the person

So i went back and forth whether I should post this, because inevitably i'm gonna have degenerates, either now or later saying i should've died...u know, over difference of opinions on the internet...but hopefully it serves as a cautionary tale...apologies in advance for the length...but gotta vent somewhere. I've been ashamed to talk about it with my family in detail...haven't told friends...i'm the 'responsible' one...but they know when it comes to the drinks, i'm not.

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Pulled an all nighter on Thursday night for work...Friday comes, I finish up about 4pm...then went to the range, drank there...went to Applebees...drank there...then 2 places after that before the night was done...yes, I have a problem.

I don't get drunk at home for dolo, but when I go out, I love drinking while socializing and over the last 5 or 6 years, to say I've had SEVERAL signs that I should cut it out, would be an understatement (from like 5 lost cell phones, to getting robbed because i was drunk and lacking). Come from a family who loves their alcohol, but have no 'drunks'--all fully functional and successful...my mama was putting that sh1t in my baby formula (as they oft do in Jamaica), but i'm a grown man and bare 100% responsibility. I caught a DWI a few years ago and still don't have my license back...in the process of switching employers and don't have insurance--in fact I was on cloud 9 Friday because of how well I smashed my interviews and how productive I was in getting my job done earlier in the day.

Recently I've had even more signs and felt something bad was coming and told myself I'm not gonna have drinks while i'm driving anymore...I been getting away lucky...just over the last month...won't get into those details, but 4/5 different times have been lucky cops weren't around or I didn't hurt myself or anyone else...I've also been going through my personal spiritual breakthrough and saw signs of that too...real good signs, which further made me keep telling myself that I have to chill and the universe only gives u so many chances...good n1gga or not. So even more i'm like, yo...u gotta chill. As I was going to the range and I took a to go cup from my home, forgetting I said i'd never do that again, just the week before because of one of those 4/5 incidents...I looked to the sky, apologized to the universe...and went ahead with it anyway, which almost proved to be the start of my ending. Universe did not feel me, on that very conscious slight that I offended it with.

I leave hanging out with my sister and her man at the last spot at like 3 am...I guess I stayed till the end...don't remember honestly...only thing I remembered was going to mcdonalds because at this point I haven't eaten in 15 hrs and hadn't slept over 48 hrs...next thing I know, it's 7am Saturday...and I wake to see the airbag and the whip glued to the side of a parked school bus...I have no memory of what happened in the 4 hrs...can't tell if I slept in the whip at mcdonalds and started to drive again or even worse, been driving around BK for 3 hours, aimlessly and in a daze...

By the time the ambulance and cops get there and because this was hours after drinking, I had no alcohol on my breath...I told them about the all nighter...got a Black cop...cool brotha...gave me a summons...no dwi...but of course I'm gonna face the consequences for driving without a license...fu#ked up my sister's whip, as u can see...and amazingly...no, miraculously, walked away with not a single cut nor feel no pains...didn't have to go to the doctor's...and remember, no insurance. In the ambulance, when they were checking me, it finally hit me how bad this could be, and ain't gonna front, when I told them...'I could've hit a kid or killed someone'...I started crying like a bi#ch.

I've been reflecting all weekend about how lucky I was. Universe telling me it's now or never...and I don't want to make any promises, but I'm a strong-willed person, and for right now, I've given up the juice...it's been quite a ride...and I come home and it's all around me...almost all of my friends drink and that's where we'd meet up. It's gonna be hard...all inclusive vacations, gonna be hard...but I'm ready. I know it's not the alcohol that's the problem...it's drinking while driving...but nah, alcohol has caused other negative effects in my life and I been knew I was gonna stop and just stick to my weed, which was never a root cause to any problems I had, but I didn't think it would happen so 'soon' at 40...

The way it all played out, I'd be spitting in the face of the universe after I slapped it in the face...and it punched me back in the gut to check myself...I don't want it to knock me out next time...so I'm done...there are several bottles at my family's crib that i'm sitting at right now and I can't say i'm tempted...I look at them with disdain...I know that's natural right after the traumatic event and that feeling can wear off, but I believe I'll remain strong...I don't have control of my mind and decision making after a certain point of drinking...and it has been truly scary. This ain't me telling y'all to cut anything out...everyone knows their vices and how it affects them...it's just me finally learning my lesson and thankful for being alive, and not a facing manslaughter case right now...whole life would've been fu#ked in the blink of an eye...

I listened to this song (one of my favorites on the album), several times this weekend...and cried every single time, especially at the quoted part...so happy to be born again...

Man. Just be thankful.

I fell asleep at the wheel on the freeway leaving a show one night. Hit head on with the overpass wall.
Completely missed every single one of the sand filled garbage cans

Totaled the car I had got out the shop that day.
Had 2 surgeries on my hand and ankle, screws and sh1t.

I think about what if I had died then. My son was 1 at the time, he's 12 now. I would've missed all this sh1t.

Life is crazy.

And then I get high and think that maybe I did die in that accident and this is some other sh1t

Prayers up bro the same thing happened to me Friday and I wasn’t driving tho but we crashed pretty damn bad I’m in recovery mode myself gotta stop the drinking that’s my plan cause that sh1t scared the fu#k out of me I feel like this was my last chance to get right and I’m gonna do that for real

You’re not “the responsible one” when you’re knowingly driving without a license or insurance, let alone driving drunk.

Speaking for everyone who’s ever lost a loved one due to the irresponsible and selfish actions of a drunk driver, get your sh1t together.

You should feel ashamed and this should be a sobering moment (pun intended).

That all nighter fu#ked you up even more than the drinking

driving sleep is more dangerous than anything.

sleep deprivation + drinking recipe for disaster

and also in denial about being an alcoholic.

Big props for excepting responsibility. Just acknowledging you have a issue with it immediately moves you past denial and you can begin to work on the issue. I would say one of the 1st steps that helped me put down the bottle was leaving those who were part of my drinking and partying social circle. Just putting distance between us. No love lost just had to love them from a distance bc of the influence they had on me. Ultimately it’s my choice but it def helped with cutting the temptation in half. The other thing i told myself was I would only have a drink when I was somewhere new and international. That way it was a way to reward my good behavior. Def worked. I did 12 years sober except on those occasions I mentioned above. Crazy part when I was somewhere new & international plus had a drink, I would not go crazy. Only bc I was uncomfortable not knowing the area and made the attempt to be more aware of my surroundings. Those 12 years flew by honestly the 1st year was the roughest. After my 1st 100 days I already had a head change, took up the gym to make up for the times I felt Boredom. Later I found out it takes 100 days for your brain to detox. Your body detox fast but that toxicity doesn’t leave your brain for 100 days. Figure that’s why I had that mindset head change at that point. Anyways that’s my spill on subject. Mind you I wrecked many cars and had lots of dui’s on top of close calls. Appreciate yourself and treat yourself with love. You can shake that sh1t you don’t need it

remarkably, not even a scratch...no aches either...extremely lucky/blessed.

Listen there's a ton of people on here giving you a pat on the back when you need a kick in your ass. Are you kidding me? Drunk, no license or insurance? If you had any decency you would never step foot in another car again until you're at least 3 years sober. I mean no Ubers, taxis or riding shot gun, let alone fu#king driving!

You could've killed an entire family, kids and all doing this sh1t. You should feel fu#king ashamed and angry. If you want to get angry at me for this comment great. Get Angry! Being angry with yourself is even better because anger sparks change not fu#king sympathy. Get off of your fu#king a$s and get a professional who can put a plan together with you, from there work the blood clot plan every single day of your life until you can say that you are absolutely clean and sober.

If not do the actual decent thing and stay the fu#k away from any type of private transport, don't even ride a fu#king Bike until you get yourself sober.

Happy you can be here to post about it

Had to tho

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Happy you can be here to post about it

Had to tho

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