I fell asleep at the wheel and almost killed myself Friday night...no license or insurance - page 2

So i went back and forth whether I should post this, because inevitably i'm gonna have degenerates, either now or later saying i should've died...u know, over difference of opinions on the internet...but hopefully it serves as a cautionary tale...apologies in advance for the length...but gotta vent somewhere. I've been ashamed to talk about it with my family in detail...haven't told friends...i'm the 'responsible' one...but they know when it comes to the drinks, i'm not.

[see photo]

Pulled an all nighter on Thursday night for work...Friday comes, I finish up about 4pm...then went to the range, drank there...went to Applebees...drank there...then 2 places after that before the night was done...yes, I have a problem.

I don't get drunk at home for dolo, but when I go out, I love drinking while socializing and over the last 5 or 6 years, to say I've had SEVERAL signs that I should cut it out, would be an understatement (from like 5 lost cell phones, to getting robbed because i was drunk and lacking). Come from a family who loves their alcohol, but have no 'drunks'--all fully functional and successful...my mama was putting that sh1t in my baby formula (as they oft do in Jamaica), but i'm a grown man and bare 100% responsibility. I caught a DWI a few years ago and still don't have my license back...in the process of switching employers and don't have insurance--in fact I was on cloud 9 Friday because of how well I smashed my interviews and how productive I was in getting my job done earlier in the day.

Recently I've had even more signs and felt something bad was coming and told myself I'm not gonna have drinks while i'm driving anymore...I been getting away lucky...just over the last month...won't get into those details, but 4/5 different times have been lucky cops weren't around or I didn't hurt myself or anyone else...I've also been going through my personal spiritual breakthrough and saw signs of that too...real good signs, which further made me keep telling myself that I have to chill and the universe only gives u so many chances...good n1gga or not. So even more i'm like, yo...u gotta chill. As I was going to the range and I took a to go cup from my home, forgetting I said i'd never do that again, just the week before because of one of those 4/5 incidents...I looked to the sky, apologized to the universe...and went ahead with it anyway, which almost proved to be the start of my ending. Universe did not feel me, on that very conscious slight that I offended it with.

I leave hanging out with my sister and her man at the last spot at like 3 am...I guess I stayed till the end...don't remember honestly...only thing I remembered was going to mcdonalds because at this point I haven't eaten in 15 hrs and hadn't slept over 48 hrs...next thing I know, it's 7am Saturday...and I wake to see the airbag and the whip glued to the side of a parked school bus...I have no memory of what happened in the 4 hrs...can't tell if I slept in the whip at mcdonalds and started to drive again or even worse, been driving around BK for 3 hours, aimlessly and in a daze...

By the time the ambulance and cops get there and because this was hours after drinking, I had no alcohol on my breath...I told them about the all nighter...got a Black cop...cool brotha...gave me a summons...no dwi...but of course I'm gonna face the consequences for driving without a license...fu#ked up my sister's whip, as u can see...and amazingly...no, miraculously, walked away with not a single cut nor feel no pains...didn't have to go to the doctor's...and remember, no insurance. In the ambulance, when they were checking me, it finally hit me how bad this could be, and ain't gonna front, when I told them...'I could've hit a kid or killed someone'...I started crying like a bi#ch.

I've been reflecting all weekend about how lucky I was. Universe telling me it's now or never...and I don't want to make any promises, but I'm a strong-willed person, and for right now, I've given up the juice...it's been quite a ride...and I come home and it's all around me...almost all of my friends drink and that's where we'd meet up. It's gonna be hard...all inclusive vacations, gonna be hard...but I'm ready. I know it's not the alcohol that's the problem...it's drinking while driving...but nah, alcohol has caused other negative effects in my life and I been knew I was gonna stop and just stick to my weed, which was never a root cause to any problems I had, but I didn't think it would happen so 'soon' at 40...

The way it all played out, I'd be spitting in the face of the universe after I slapped it in the face...and it punched me back in the gut to check myself...I don't want it to knock me out next time...so I'm done...there are several bottles at my family's crib that i'm sitting at right now and I can't say i'm tempted...I look at them with disdain...I know that's natural right after the traumatic event and that feeling can wear off, but I believe I'll remain strong...I don't have control of my mind and decision making after a certain point of drinking...and it has been truly scary. This ain't me telling y'all to cut anything out...everyone knows their vices and how it affects them...it's just me finally learning my lesson and thankful for being alive, and not a facing manslaughter case right now...whole life would've been fu#ked in the blink of an eye...

I listened to this song (one of my favorites on the album), several times this weekend...and cried every single time, especially at the quoted part...so happy to be born again...

Idk how tied to your system the alcohol is, but medically quitting alcohol cold turkey can be very dangerous, even deadly. You should seek some experienced or professional help if you think you need it.

So i went back and forth whether I should post this, because inevitably i'm gonna have degenerates, either now or later saying i should've died...u know, over difference of opinions on the internet...but hopefully it serves as a cautionary tale...apologies in advance for the length...but gotta vent somewhere. I've been ashamed to talk about it with my family in detail...haven't told friends...i'm the 'responsible' one...but they know when it comes to the drinks, i'm not.

[see photo]

Pulled an all nighter on Thursday night for work...Friday comes, I finish up about 4pm...then went to the range, drank there...went to Applebees...drank there...then 2 places after that before the night was done...yes, I have a problem.

I don't get drunk at home for dolo, but when I go out, I love drinking while socializing and over the last 5 or 6 years, to say I've had SEVERAL signs that I should cut it out, would be an understatement (from like 5 lost cell phones, to getting robbed because i was drunk and lacking). Come from a family who loves their alcohol, but have no 'drunks'--all fully functional and successful...my mama was putting that sh1t in my baby formula (as they oft do in Jamaica), but i'm a grown man and bare 100% responsibility. I caught a DWI a few years ago and still don't have my license back...in the process of switching employers and don't have insurance--in fact I was on cloud 9 Friday because of how well I smashed my interviews and how productive I was in getting my job done earlier in the day.

Recently I've had even more signs and felt something bad was coming and told myself I'm not gonna have drinks while i'm driving anymore...I been getting away lucky...just over the last month...won't get into those details, but 4/5 different times have been lucky cops weren't around or I didn't hurt myself or anyone else...I've also been going through my personal spiritual breakthrough and saw signs of that too...real good signs, which further made me keep telling myself that I have to chill and the universe only gives u so many chances...good n1gga or not. So even more i'm like, yo...u gotta chill. As I was going to the range and I took a to go cup from my home, forgetting I said i'd never do that again, just the week before because of one of those 4/5 incidents...I looked to the sky, apologized to the universe...and went ahead with it anyway, which almost proved to be the start of my ending. Universe did not feel me, on that very conscious slight that I offended it with.

I leave hanging out with my sister and her man at the last spot at like 3 am...I guess I stayed till the end...don't remember honestly...only thing I remembered was going to mcdonalds because at this point I haven't eaten in 15 hrs and hadn't slept over 48 hrs...next thing I know, it's 7am Saturday...and I wake to see the airbag and the whip glued to the side of a parked school bus...I have no memory of what happened in the 4 hrs...can't tell if I slept in the whip at mcdonalds and started to drive again or even worse, been driving around BK for 3 hours, aimlessly and in a daze...

By the time the ambulance and cops get there and because this was hours after drinking, I had no alcohol on my breath...I told them about the all nighter...got a Black cop...cool brotha...gave me a summons...no dwi...but of course I'm gonna face the consequences for driving without a license...fu#ked up my sister's whip, as u can see...and amazingly...no, miraculously, walked away with not a single cut nor feel no pains...didn't have to go to the doctor's...and remember, no insurance. In the ambulance, when they were checking me, it finally hit me how bad this could be, and ain't gonna front, when I told them...'I could've hit a kid or killed someone'...I started crying like a bi#ch.

I've been reflecting all weekend about how lucky I was. Universe telling me it's now or never...and I don't want to make any promises, but I'm a strong-willed person, and for right now, I've given up the juice...it's been quite a ride...and I come home and it's all around me...almost all of my friends drink and that's where we'd meet up. It's gonna be hard...all inclusive vacations, gonna be hard...but I'm ready. I know it's not the alcohol that's the problem...it's drinking while driving...but nah, alcohol has caused other negative effects in my life and I been knew I was gonna stop and just stick to my weed, which was never a root cause to any problems I had, but I didn't think it would happen so 'soon' at 40...

The way it all played out, I'd be spitting in the face of the universe after I slapped it in the face...and it punched me back in the gut to check myself...I don't want it to knock me out next time...so I'm done...there are several bottles at my family's crib that i'm sitting at right now and I can't say i'm tempted...I look at them with disdain...I know that's natural right after the traumatic event and that feeling can wear off, but I believe I'll remain strong...I don't have control of my mind and decision making after a certain point of drinking...and it has been truly scary. This ain't me telling y'all to cut anything out...everyone knows their vices and how it affects them...it's just me finally learning my lesson and thankful for being alive, and not a facing manslaughter case right now...whole life would've been fu#ked in the blink of an eye...

I listened to this song (one of my favorites on the album), several times this weekend...and cried every single time, especially at the quoted part...so happy to be born again...

Glad you're okay, to listen to those "signs" you speak of you gotta be more sober my man. please edit the license plate out just incase theres some weirdos.
I know a couple of friends that stopped alcoholism with some shroom microdosing.

I hope you find peace with whatever youre dealing with

do not quit cold turkey, you gotta ween yourself off over the span of a few weeks, i know a few people that have tried to quit cold turkey and died not to long after. like start at a 6 pack, the next day just buy 5, the day after buy and drink 4 and so on until you drink 1 and the next day stop. If your on liquor, you gotta do it over a longer span of time, and i heard you get withdrawals and can hallucinate.

At least you didn't die, but i dunno how the liquor wasn't still in your system. You got lucky. Sounds like you drank a lot.

Yea bro you gotta stop drinking. I wish you the best on your journey to full recovery.