DaOmega_1's top 10 WORST MOVIES of 2012

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 3 years ago '05        #1
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DaOmega_1 255 heat pts255
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DaOmega_1's top 10 WORST MOVIES of 2012
 

 
2012 was the year that the apocalypse was supposed to go down. It was also a record-breaking year for movies, both in ticket sales, and actual attendance. We’ve been overloaded with event films, big blockbusters, and some truly ambitious filmmaking that seems almost miraculous that it was even made. But, we’re not here to talk about those films. No, this is specifically devoted to the worst, most god-awful pieces of sh*t that Hollywood had to offer. And, oh boy, was it a doozy. From self-important surrealist films, to military propaganda, to creepy comedic pedophilia, this year covered a wide range of jaw dropping sh*ttiness. Let’s not waste any time, and dive right into it…

10). Act of Valor

“Act of Valor” is a movie that I didn’t even want to have to put on my list, but alas, it is here. Unfortunately, I cannot commend a movie for giving the spotlight to the navy seals that protect our country when that movie itself is f*cking boring. “Act of Valor” includes actual Navy Seals acting in the movie, which is admirable, but sadly miscalculated. The actors here cannot do much with the inane and hopelessly mundane writing on display, and the “emotional” resonance that one is supposed to feel wasn’t there, for me. It feels like it is only made for those who can relate to what the Navy Seals experience. Since I’m not in that demographic, I can call this an admirable failure. The action has nice moments, and the cinematography is jaw-dropping at points. But, on a STORY level, this movie stumbles VERY early on, and cannot recover through the rest of its running time.

9). Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

I thought long & hard about including this on my list. Because, this isn’t a terrible movie, per se… It’s a terribly FRUSTRATING movie. Every chance it had to tell an interesting story, or do something entertaining, it squanders it. What pushes this movie to be so maddening & angering is that it almost feels like it’s 4 different movies smushed together into one, and none of them are particularly good. First, we get a view of an apocalyptic society, and we watch a party where kids are being encouraged by their parents to try coke, or take a shot of Whiskey. That scene is one that should’ve been a sign of what kind of tone the movie will take on. But, then it becomes a road movie, then a romantic comedy, then some new age hippy romantic drama. The movie goes through so many weird and confusing tonal shifts, it gets tedious to just try and keep up with the emotional ADHD storytelling on display here. Every shot it could’ve had at telling an interesting story, the movie ruins it by switching tones. Which leads to a LAME ending by any standard. So, it may not be a terrible film, but if it is THIS frustrating, then I’d say it deserves a place on my bottom 10 list.

8). Hick

What a weird confusing mess of a film. Hick stars Chloe Moretz as a young 13-year-old girl who runs away from home, and gets into various adventures. Some of these adventures include Blake Lively, and a pedophilic dude who is in love with Chloe Moretz’ character. Now, this movie goes from dramatic to comedic, and confuses things that should be serious as comedy, and vice versa. This erratic shifting in tones does help matter when one of the grossest things that occurs in the film is treated as if it’s comedic. This movie, more than almost anything I’ve seen this year, made me squirm in my sit like there were bugs crawling on me. It’s just a gross, gross, GROSS film that is confusing and tone deaf.

7). Step Up Revolution

Ah, my favorite…. Step Up is a series of films that are ostensibly about “dancers” and their “dancing to stop the man”. But, as the films went along, the story became more ridiculous, eventually hitting the apex of stupidity with Step Up Revolution. So, now we’re dealing with flash mobs. They go around, and pull off elaborate dance sequences in public places, and then set their sights on a land developer who wants to tear down a neighborhood in order to build something on top of it. This film includes terrible acting, wh0ored-out 3D, and some of the single most improbable dance routines ever created. One cannot help but laugh. And even then, it’s still sad and a little insulting that this is what excuses itself as entertainment nowadays.

Yet another sh*tty film to come out of the Luc Besson sh*tty action movie factory. This time, starring Guy Pearce as a badass who has to save the President’s daughter on a space prison colony. Unfortunately, the movie seems like it was shot with an intention to be R rated, but was cut down to a PG-13 in post. As a result, the film feels unfinished, and unpolished. This film is clunky beyond belief, and unoriginal in ways that puzzle the mind. At some point while watching it, I thought “wait, they still make movies like this”… Yes, yes they do. Lockout has substantial logic issues that causes the whole film to collapse. It even liberal steals from tons of other superior action films like Die Hard, Escape from New York, among others without giving anything back that is uniquely original. It’s a turd. And, to come from Luc Besson, I don’t know why anyone is STILL surprised by this.

5). Madea’s Witness Protection

F*ck… I know this is a Tyler Perry movie, but even I didn’t think his films could get this bad. I want to scrub my brain of the memory of this atrocious piece of film. Madea’s Witness Protection includes an entire collection of actors who are there to act, but have absolutely NOTHING to work with. You get Eugene Levy who has to resort to playing French stereotype by the end of this movie, complete with a mustache, and beret, and a thick Pepe Le Pew accent, and you just know that Tyler Perry actually doesn’t give a sh*t anymore. It’s like he made this film intentionally terrible to finally k!ll Madea off once & for all. Let us hope he succeeded.

4). That’s My Boy

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Ugh…

F*ck this movie.

Moving on.

3). Cosmopolis

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David Cronenberg is one of the greatest filmmakers to ever do it. Unfortunately, he turned out a piece of sh*t. What makes it worse is that it’s a pretentious piece of sh-t that wants to pretend it’s smarter than the audience, and so f*cking profound, and so f*cking deep. It’s like Cronenberg has forgotten how to direct actors. His dialogue is filled with boring mumbo jumbo, and babble about nothing. And, it’s all spoken with monotone inflection that makes it sounds like a college philosophy lesson from hell. Unlike the novel in which it is based on, "Cosmopolis" ultimately feels empty yet filled with pseudo-intellectual babble about nothing for an hour & a half. I hate it almost as much as I hate "Battleship"... Both are cynical in very different ways hoping that audiences will buy into its emptiness. Unlike Battleship which was cynical in a different way, "Cosmopolis" is cynical in that it has this self-congratulatory sense of faux-intellectualism that will mainly fool audiences into thinking that the movie is smarter than it actually is. Well, f*ck that. And, f*ck this movie.

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 3 years ago '05        #2
DaOmega_1 255 heat pts255
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2). 2016: Obama America

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This film takes “Preaching to the Choir” to new heights. By conservative pundit Dinesh D’Souza, “2012: Obama’s America” is the worst thing to come out of the conservative misinformation machine than Fox News’ election night meltdown. This f*cking movie. While I’m not a fan of Obama, I can tell bullsh*t from facts. This movie cherry picks bits & pieces from Obama’s book “Dreams of my Father”, and uses this bits & pieces to vaguely suggest that Obama is actually a socialist dictator bent on the destruction of the American dream, and colonialism in general. I mean, the balls on this director to make such accusations out of nothing, out of unsubstantiated conspiracy theories. The funniest flaws, however, are the points that the film has dramatic reenactments for no apparent reason. It’s a sloppy sloppy mess, and might be the worst made documentary I’ve ever seen. Just sh*tty, politics be damned.

1). Battleship

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"Battleship" is proof that studios have stopped giving a f*ck about quality. Battleship is movie made for one reason: because it has a marketable name. Unbelievably lazy, and jaw-droppingly cynical in it's approach, Battleship has not one good thing about it. The acting is atrocious, the story is on speed-dial, the action is boring... Everything about this movie is painfully tedious. It felt like such a chore just sitting in that theater, it literally hurt me to watch "Battleship". The movie has numerous gaping holes in logic, which some will say doesn't matter based on the nature of the kind of movie it is. To those people: shut the f*ck up. Battleship is the kind of movie that needs to be torn apart. The holes in logic are just to big to ignore, and too frequent to forgive. In short: Battleship is a cinematic abortion. Absolutely stupid, cynically pointless, and ultimately insulting... The people who checked their brains at the door to enjoy this never had brains to begin with. It is, to me, one of the worst films I’ve ever seen. And, I’d rather chew glass than see this f*cking garbage again. F*ck this movie.

Ugh... So, there you have it. I'll come back with my top 10 best list, and my review of "Django Unchained" in a few days when I'm not on vacation. So, I'll see y'all then, and as always, thanks for reading.
 
 3 years ago '05        #3
SacTown|B 17 heat pts17
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thankfully 'That's My Boy' is the only 1 of these i've seen
 
 3 years ago '05        #4
HiRolliN 106 heat pts106
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figured it had to be battle sh*t for the number 1 spot. lockout should of been number 2
 
 3 years ago '06        #5
titanreese 13 heat pts13
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Ive seen alot worse then Battleship but other then that, its not a bad list...Some of these I havent seen...Some I have and agree with.
 
 3 years ago '10        #6
stv18 22 heat pts22
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Only one I saw was Act of Valor and that was like the first 10 minutes on Netflix than turned it off.
 
 3 years ago '04        #7
matelyan 21 heat pts21
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I'm not going to sit here and try to defend any of these picks, because I agree. But I do have to admit I enjoyed That's my Boy and Lockout.
 
 3 years ago '09        #8
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Battleship was decent for what was expected... That's my boy, started off horrible and picked up. That Madea movie on the other hand.... sh*t was so wack. And I didn't even attempt to watch the rest of those.
 
 3 years ago '07        #9
DaForce13 26 heat pts26
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thanks for that work brah
 
 3 years ago '07        #10
young moolah 5 heat pts
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glad i haven't watched any of these. i'll make a mental note to avoid them. i commend you for sitting through these sh*tty movies cause i sure couldn't lol.
 
 3 years ago '04        #11
psylence2k 46 heat pts46
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Went down the whole list and noticed I didn't waste my time watching any of these
 
 3 years ago '04        #12
likwitcrewmembe 2 heat pts
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What's soo bad about HICK. Do they show chloe morentz nud3? She's like 18 and thos lips on her are DSLs all day oww
 
 3 years ago '05        #13
Krazie 118 heat pts118
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 likwitcrewmembe said:
What's soo bad about HICK. Do they show chloe morentz nud3? She's like 18 and thos lips on her are DSLs all day oww
She's 15.
 
 3 years ago '04        #14
likwitcrewmembe 2 heat pts
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I know bruh just making sure u knew
 
 12-27-2012, 06:11 PM         #15
One Shot 
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I liked 10,9,8.
 
 3 years ago '04        #16
all3rd 598 heat pts598
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I didn't mind Act of Valor but the rest of the list is really right on especially Cosmopolis that whole movie bored me to tears almost didn't get why I watched the whole thing.
 
 3 years ago '05        #17
HiRolliN 106 heat pts106
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 Maroon_Tiger said:
@ not seeing any of these.

I wanted to rent thats my boy this week for $.99 in HD on itunes ...if it werent for my parents terrible internet connection, i prolly would

And i contemplated renting the "...end of the world" movie
end of the world is a slow boring movie.
 
 3 years ago '05        #18
TheChief 18 heat pts18
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 psylence2k said:
Went down the whole list and noticed I didn't waste my time watching any of these
 
 3 years ago '04        #19
KURUPTION!!! 515 heat pts515
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I have no issues with Lockout, but I have No idea how Resident Evil Retribution didn't make this list. That movie was God awful and I've actually liked 3 of the first four movies.
 
 3 years ago '04        #20
KURUPTION!!! 515 heat pts515
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 likwitcrewmembe said:
I know bruh just making sure u knew
ok.
 
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