6 Badass Facts About Dolphins

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Props Slaps
 12-18-2012, 01:31 PM         #1
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Throbbin' Thicke 
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6 Badass Facts About Dolphins
 

 

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 http://www.environmentalg .. about-dolphins


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6. Dolphins evolved from land animals, predators resembling wolves

Aww.. it looks like a little puppy

When most people think of evolution they picture fish sprouting legs and walking on land. Dolphins don't give a x*xX what most people think. They've seen land and had legs and decided all that was for sissies. No, the dolphin's level of badassery was far too great to be restricted by gravity. And since air is basically just an incredibly more boring version of water, the dolphin chose to evolve back into a sea creature and see what chaos it could unleash in the murky depths of the scary, unforgiving ocean.

As you can see from this picture, all four limbs are still quite visible in the dolphin's embryonic stage.



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5. The k!ller whale is a goddamn dolphin

This ain't no freakin whale

Yeah, that’s right... bloodthirsty Shamu up there is Flipper's cousin. And it's worth noting Orcas didn't get the name 'Killer Whales' lightly either; they freakin earned that title. Three people have died as the result of just one of these beasts in SeaWorld/SeaLand alone (Good serial k!llers never stay in one place). And here we're talking about an Orca specially trained NOT to k!ll people.



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4. Dolphins are dirty tramps

Bow Chicka Wowoww...

And I mean they are just dirty, filthy horndogs. These creatures are so s3xually active they make that promiscuous cheerleader you knew in high school look like... well like you in high school. If there are any STDs in the dolphin world you can bet that every single one of these freaky bastiches has got it. Aside from being the only animal other than primates recorded to have s3x purely for pleasure, dolphins take it a step further by engaging in bis3xual and homos3xual orgies.



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3. Dolphins are interspecial cooperative hunters

Teamwork: k!lls sh-t quicker

Everyone knows dolphins are smart. They wouldn't have discovered s3x toys if they weren't. In fact, entire articles, books even, have been written on the intelligence of these creatures. Of course, I only care about the badass results of this intelligence and interspecies hunting is definitely one of them. Dolphins have been observed cooperating with birds, sharks and humans alike to herd schools of fish into swirling enclosed clusters of death.



[pic - click to view]



2. Dolphins are trained as undersea Rambos

Sneak Attack, bi-ch!

The U.S. Government will only admit to training dolphins to locate undersea mines and stranded divers. That's pretty cool, but it's not really all that badass. This is why it's important to remember that half of what the U.S. government tells you is a lie. In 2000 it was reported that Soviet trained combat dolphins were sold to Iran. If the U.S. didn't have combat dolphins when the ruskies did (the same U.S. government that gave its own agents LSD in an attempt to beat the Russians to super powers), then you can damn well believe they've got them now that Iran does.



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1. Dolphins are psychotic k!llers and rapists

Say my name, Say My Name!

OK, I'll mention the r*pe first since I promised I'd return to the dolphins' sadistic s3xual exploits. They r*pe each other. Male or female, old or young, it doesn't matter. Dolphins love r*pe. In fact I'm pretty sure the only thing dolphins love more than forcing themselves on one another (and sometimes humans) is k!lling baby porpoises and tossing around their brutalized corpses.

Don't believe me? Read on.


In 1997 scientists were baffled when they noticed savagely beaten corpses of baby dolphins washing up on the shores of Virginia (oh yeah, side note: they massacre their own young as well). Other scientists were equally baffled by the same thing happening with baby porpoises on the shores of Scotland. Since, I'm a.ssuming, American scientists and Scottish scientists don't get along very well, different theories were put forth to explain these mass deaths. Almost ten years later and the truth is finally revealed when people witness firsthand the brutal murders taking place.

27 comments for "6 Badass Facts About Dolphins"

 5 years ago '09        #2
NcAlien 2 heat pts
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Hmmm who on Bx going to be the first to try Fin s3x??

Where is Brody
 5 years ago '05        #3
eric wright 2 heat pts
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wild ish indeed
 5 years ago '04        #4
THuG LYFe 198 heat pts198
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 NcAlien said:
Where is Brody


I coulda sworn I heard back in the day Jessica Alba almost got r*ped by a dolphin.
 5 years ago '04        #5
THuG LYFe 198 heat pts198
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 NcAlien said:
Hmmm who on Bx going to be the first to try Fin s3x??


After googling my Jessica alba comment above, this popped up on a forum in one of the results. Looks like Dolphin s3x been around since 1996

 5 years ago '07        #6
Cartel-Clipz 29 heat pts29
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 THuG LYFe said:


After googling my Jessica alba comment above, this popped up on a forum in one of the results. Looks like Dolphin s3x been around since 1996

 5 years ago '11        #7
Broseph Stalin 33 heat pts33
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 THuG LYFe said:


After googling my Jessica alba comment above, this popped up on a forum in one of the results. Looks like Dolphin s3x been around since 1996


[pic - click to view]

 12-18-2012, 04:38 PM         #8
fcb10  OP
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 12-18-2012, 04:40 PM         #9
Throbbin' Thicke  OP
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 THuG LYFe said:


After googling my Jessica alba comment above, this popped up on a forum in one of the results. Looks like Dolphin s3x been around since 1996

It's time for me to log off. What in the entire fu*k did I just read?
 5 years ago '04        #10
Propel Water 20 heat pts20
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dolphin r*pe is a serious thing...

sh*t is my new nightmare... straight up disturbing...


remeber that ecco the dolphin game for sega that no one knew how to play? it was a dolphin human r*pe game
 5 years ago '12        #11
Chase Bands 8 heat pts
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 THuG LYFe said:


After googling my Jessica alba comment above, this popped up on a forum in one of the results. Looks like Dolphin s3x been around since 1996


that dolphin pus*y stay wet
 5 years ago '09        #12
Polygod 75 heat pts75
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and thats why they can stay the fu*k in the water, just think if those homicidal rapist wolf dolphins were still around?
 12-18-2012, 06:57 PM         #13
Throbbin' Thicke  OP
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 NefDizzle said:
and thats why they can stay the fu*k in the water, just think if those homicidal rapist wolf dolphins were still around?

[pic - click to view]

 5 years ago '10        #14
buzzkill 7 heat pts
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 5 years ago '09        #15
NcAlien 2 heat pts
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Ehhh that comment backfired miserably leave it to boxden to literally find dolphin s3x...HAHA I'm mad he found the date it was established.


Reminded me of that Dave Chapelle skit where he referenced talking about the spread of AIDS, and the guy who fu*ked a chimp...

Don't spread those Dolphin STDS
 5 years ago '04        #16
THuG LYFe 198 heat pts198
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 NcAlien said:
Ehhh that comment backfired miserably leave it to boxden to literally find dolphin s3x...HAHA I'm mad he found the date it was established.


Reminded me of that Dave Chapelle skit where he referenced talking about the spread of AIDS, and the guy who fu*ked a chimp...

Don't spread those Dolphin STDS
Lol. Was completely on accident. I was trying to find that story about Jessica Alba almost getting r*ped by a dolphin and that came up in a search result. Coincidence I swear
 5 years ago '11        #17
Grizzab 11 heat pts11
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not to mention that their snatches are the closest to human beings than any other animal.

 5 years ago '06        #18
Isiah61 8 heat pts
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You should look up the definition of "Badass"
 12-19-2012, 01:28 AM         #19
Throbbin' Thicke  OP
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 Isiah61 said:
You should look up the definition of "Badass"
bad·ass [bad-as] Show IPA Slang: Vulgar.
adjective
1.
(of a person) difficult to deal with; mean-tempered; touchy.
2.
distinctively tough or powerful; so exceptional as to be intimidating.
noun
3.
a mean-tempered troublemaker.


 5 years ago '10        #20
rek0nize 66 heat pts66
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Nobody has used "badass" since 93. What's next Groovy?
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