The Boy With the Dragon Tattoo And other horrible ink in the NBA (pics)

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 6 years ago '11        #1
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X_WunderKind_X 909 heat pts909
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The Boy With the Dragon Tattoo And other horrible ink in the NBA (pics)
 

 
The Boy With the Dragon Tattoo
And other horrible ink in the NBA
By Evan Winiker on April 9, 2012


Gone are the days of short shorts and low tops, of crew cuts and hook shots, of Grant goggles and Hornaceks. The seemingly sterile NBA of the seventies and eighties was ushered out like a bottle of Crystal Pepsi, and replaced with a new class of athletes, and a very … different style.

The evolution would look something like a hill-country family tree, getting uglier as the generations progress: the Rodmans, the Sprewells, the Stephen Jacksons, the Delonte Wests. Bill Laimbeer had unknowingly given birth to a new kind of bad boy in the league, one that would be seeing a much different court than Hubert Davis.

Following the "Malice in the Palace" incident, the NBA was looking more deformed than a Sam Cassell–Scottie Pippen love child, and in an attempt to clean up the brand, David Stern implemented a dress code that would make a Catholic high school quiver. Criticism was harsh and players were outraged, especially Allen Iverson, who put it best: "You can put a murderer in a suit and he's still a murderer."

For a few weeks it seemed as though the NBA was gearing up for an 82-game Men's Big and Tall commercial, however it wasn't long before the players simply found a new way to express themselves … absurd tattoos.

Guns, wizards, Grateful Dead bears, obscure cartoon characters — nothing was off-limits in the race to cover every inch of viewable skin. The commissioner sat by and watched as sleeves became commonplace and Birdmen flew to new heights.

Most blogs seemed to take notice after last year's infamous Andrei Kirilenko episode, in which the 6-foot-9 Utah Jazz small forward professed his love for Dungeons & Dragons by getting what is possibly the ugliest tattoo known to man. While people fixated on the Russian's back tat, I scoured the rest of the league and discovered a good deal of laughable ink that was going unnoticed.

With the help of Alan Yang (writer/producer, Parks and Recreation) and Mehar Sethi (writer, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia), I was able to spot my top 10. (Click the players' names to see their tattoos.)
10. DeShawn Stevenson's "Abraham Lincoln"


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Alan: The weird thing is that DeShawn has a tattoo on his chest of John Wilkes Booth firing a gun at neck Lincoln.

Mehar: When you play for the Nets it's more about the Lincolns than the Benjamins.
9. J.R. Smith's "Just Klownin'"


[pic - click to view]




Alan: This tattoo is also one of those Magic Eye things where if you stare at it the right way, you see the face of another, even more poorly drawn clown.

Mehar: Just try fitting this many tattoos into a clown car. Just try it!
8. Derrick Rose's "Poohdini"


[pic - click to view]



Alan: Derrick Rose's nickname is "Pooh" because he reminded his grandma of Winnie the Pooh. Fine. One of the variations on "Pooh" is "Poohdini." Great. Here's the thing: "Poohdini" is a word play using "Houdini," who was not a wizard. Houdini was a magician. So why is this tattoo of "Poohdini" a wizard?! Poohdini should be a Hungarian-American magician with Winnie the Pooh's head or something. Does anyone have Derrick Rose's number? I promise I'm only going to use it to talk to him about the factual inaccuracies of his Poohdini tattoo.

Mehar: Too bad Poohdini can't make Iman Shumpert disappear.
7. Luke Walton's "Grateful Dead Skeletons"


[pic - click to view]



Evan: "I asked for skeletons, not monkeys in a barrel!"

Mehar: "This tattoo will look just as cool when the acid wears off."
6. Mo Williams's "Mr. Peanut Collage"


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Alan: "Why would I want a tattoo of just Mr. Peanut? What are you, stupid? Put a bunch of crazy Mayan-looking sh-t behind it, duh! God, do I have to do everything around here?"

Mehar: This is just a reminder for the medics that he has a peanut allergy.
5. Al Harrington's "Himself Being Lifted by an Angel"


[pic - click to view]



Alan: Is it true that Al drew this tattoo on his own back without being able to see a thing, thus resulting in the approximately first-grade level of art? No. He hired an actual first-grader to do the art. That's the Al Harrington difference.

Mehar: No matter what the tattoo artist says, that angel will not improve your vertical leap.
4. Wilson Chandler's "Marvel's Juggernaut Villian"


[pic - click to view]



Alan: This is like the 67th-best giant back tattoo of tertiary X-Men villain Juggernaut I've ever seen on an NBA backup small forward.

Mehar: Well, this tattoo's more of a protest against steroid restrictions than anything.
3. Stephen Jackson's "Praying Hand With Guns"


[pic - click to view]



Alan: This is the perfect tattoo to get across: "I am a really, really, really violent fan of Jesus."

Mehar: Those hands are praying for tattoo-removal technology to get better.




[pic - click to view]

 Marquis Daniels, Derrick Rose, Andrei Kirilenko, and the worst in NBA tattoos - Grantland

33 comments for "The Boy With the Dragon Tattoo And other horrible ink in the NBA (pics)"

 6 years ago '11        #2
X_WunderKind_X 909 heat pts909 OP
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2. Andrei Kirilenko's "Boy With Dragon Tattoo"


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Alan: I have the same tattoo, but instead of a dragon with red wings, it's a dragon with no wings and no body and is invisible.

Mehar: This is the kind of tattoo that makes a man look distinguished when he gets older.
1. Marquis Daniels's "suicide Shot"


[pic - click to view]



Alan: "What's something that will permanently bum out anyone who sees it? Yeah, put that on my body forever."

Mehar: Who needs an inspirational speech from Doc Rivers when you can just look down at this?
 6 years ago '12        #3
AceBoogie 45 heat pts45
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 6 years ago '11        #4
X_WunderKind_X 909 heat pts909 OP
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 shakeNbake17 said:




Son is str8 violating, but his contact is finally off the books so we good
 6 years ago '05        #5
slanger55 2 heat pts
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most the pics not workin for me bruh
 6 years ago '11        #6
X_WunderKind_X 909 heat pts909 OP
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 slanger55 said:
most the pics not workin for me bruh
word? they showing up on this side. the article link should be at the bottom of the page tho, Im new to this posting stuff, but it looks like I inserted the the correct way.
 6 years ago '05        #7
BronxBombers 195 heat pts195
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 shakeNbake17 said:



Fatbury Lost
 04-09-2012, 07:51 PM         #9
cheguevara 
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pierce da goat
 6 years ago '04        #10
Cap Peeler 7 heat pts
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 elvisfreshly said:

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sh*t looks like a flea-market quality tattoo
 6 years ago '11        #11
The One N Only 16 heat pts16
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 6 years ago '11        #12
The Bearded One 95 heat pts95
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KD representing hometown
 6 years ago '06        #13
riga89 8 heat pts
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All of them are stupid. Looks like sh*t.
 6 years ago '11        #14
AgentAddison 154 heat pts154
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 somerandomguy said:

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KD representing hometown
people sleep on durant tats cause we barely see em
 6 years ago '09        #15
That Guy Fly 21 heat pts21
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Yeah Quis was crazy on that one. But he has way more sh*t on him than that. This is probably the only one they could use for their piece.
 04-10-2012, 02:37 AM         #16
Mikederm11 
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All that money they making & these nikkaz can't find a decent tattoo artist???
 6 years ago '11        #17
jayholc 
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Alan was roasting them cats.
 04-10-2012, 05:29 AM         #18
ManWithoutFear! 
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I dont give a fuhk that Juggernaut sh*t is crills!
Good read. Thank The Worm though he started all this sh*t. I dont even think I seen a player with ONE tattoo in the league before Rodman.
 6 years ago '07        #19
Eddie..|M 12 heat pts12
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Capt Jacks tat is ok

AK's is too
 6 years ago '07        #20
Royce207 
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ya i think AKs is pretty sick . .i wouldnt get it but its not nearly as stupid as the rest
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