Eminem's funniest lines...

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Props Slaps
 03-11-2012, 06:19 PM         #1
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38 comments


illmatix 
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$n/a | Props total:  
Eminem's funniest lines...
 

 
"Cause if I ever stuck it to any singer in showbiz
It'd be jennifer lopez, and puffy you know this!
I'm sorry puff
but I dont give a fu-k
if this chick was my own mother
I'd still fu*k her with no rubber
and c*m inside her and have a new son and a new brother
at the same time
And just say that it aint mine!
WHAT'S MY NAME!?"

Probably my favorite intentionally funny Eminem rap.

Although sometimes I laugh harder at "treat this roof like my daughters and raaiiise it!" but that's more of a image

What are your favorite intentionally funny Em lines?

38 comments for "Eminem's funniest lines..."

 6 years ago '12        #2
The Infamous1 13 heat pts13
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$2,319 | Props total: 9 9
I rewinded that verse on I'm back like 100 times first time I heard it
 03-11-2012, 06:37 PM         #3
HoLLiwood Heyti  OP
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I'm doing drive- bys in tinted corvetts, on vietnam war vets
 6 years ago '12        #4
ALTheGreatS 23 heat pts23
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$4,470 | Props total: 900 900
Plus I was put here to put fear in f*ggots who spray Faygo Root Beer
and call themselves "Clowns" cause they look queer
f*ggot2Dope and Silent Gay
Claimin Detroit, when y'all live twenty miles away (fu*kin punks)
And I don't wrestle, I'll knock you fu*kin f*ggots the fu*k out
Ask 'em about the club they was at when they snuck out
after they ducked out the back when they saw us and bugged out
(AHHH!) Ducked down and got paintballs shot at they truck, blaow!
 6 years ago '04        #5
EmpTClip 5 heat pts
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$576 | Props total: 337 337
The One Where He Talks About Gay Stuff c*cks Farts fu*kin Trannys etc Is Funny
 6 years ago '11        #6
Kingpin 313 104 heat pts104
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$19,222 | Props total: 2617 2617
These fu*kin brats can't sing and Britney's garbage What's this bi*ch retarded? Gimme back my sixteen dollars


How you gone brea$t feed me mom? you ain't got no t*ts



My English teacher wanted to fu*k me in junior high the only problem was my teacher was a guy


By the way when you see my dad tell em I split his throat in this dream I had



Last edited by Kingpin 313; 03-11-2012 at 07:07 PM..
 6 years ago '05        #7
OG T Gutta N|M 9 heat pts
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$6,739 | Props total: 1823 1823
I don't know if these are "funny", but definitely sardonic. Had me like and :woah: MMLP was too definitive of an album in my childhood.

my words are like a dagger with a jagged edge, I'll stab you in the head, whether you're a f*g or les...
Came home, and somebody musta broke in the back window
and stole two loaded machine guns and both of my trenchcoats
Sick sick dreams of picnic scenes, two kids, sixteen
with M-16's and ten clips each
And them sh*ts reach through six kids each
and my fav:
Yo, you might see me joggin, you might see me walkin
You might see me walkin a dead rottweiler dog
with it's head chopped off in the park with a spiked collar
hollerin at him cause the son of a bi*ch won't quit barkin
(grrrr, ARF ARF) Or leanin out a window, with a c*cked shotgun
Drivin up the block in the car that they shot 'Pac in
Lookin for Big's k!llers
My fu*kin bi*ch mom's suin for ten million
She must want a dollar for every pill I've been stealin
sh*t, where the fu*k you think I picked up the habit?
All I had to do was go in her room and lift up her mattress
Which is it bi*ch, Mrs. Briggs or Ms. Mathers?
It doesn't matter your [attorney Fred Gibson's a] f*ggot!
Talkin about I fabricated my past
He's just aggravated I won't ejaculate in his a.ss (Uhh!)
 03-11-2012, 07:24 PM         #8
Karamu  OP
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"Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?"

 6 years ago '10        #9
freshprinceoba 18 heat pts18
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$6,318 | Props total: 13 13
She came at me at full speed, nothing could stop her
I shot her five times and every bullet bounced off her
I started to beg "No, please let go"
But she swallowed my fu*king leg whole like an egg roll
With one leg left, now I'm hoppin around crippled
I grabbed my pocket knife and sliced off her right n*pple
Just trying to buy me some time, then I remembered this magic trick
Den Den Den Den Den Den, Go go gadget d!ck!
Whipped that sh*t out, and ain't no doubt about it
It hit the ground and caused an earthquake and power outage
I shouted "Now bi*ch, lets see who gets the best!"
Stuffed that sh*t in crooked and fu*ked that fats.lut to death (Ah!! Ah!)
 6 years ago '05        #10
spacecase 1 heat pts
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$562 | Props total: 66 66
When i heard

Guilty conscience- "what? she tripped, fell, landed on his d!ck?"
it was

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 6 years ago '05        #11
white-chocolate 124 heat pts124
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$15,502 | Props total: 1364 1364
eminem if i get locked up tonite..


"...I'm trying to grow it back again, it was an accident
I had my back against the fan and chopped it off in Amsterdam
I hate the straight jacket it aint latching, and can't lock it
so they stapled my hand to my pants pockets
The cell's padded and battered like someone else had it
before me, and just kept throwing they fu*king selfs at it
My head is aching, I'm dedicated to medication
but this med is taking to long to bring me this sedadation? (Come on!)
Anyway I got down with Dre (What up?)
The first man who taught me how the glock sounded to spray
Running up and down the street screaming, "fu*k the Police"
when you still had your mother's fu*king n*pple stuck in your teeth
(fu*king baby) Became a role model after Colorado
Now all they do is follow me around and holla Bravo!
Hell yea I punch my bi*ch and beat my kids in public
Suck my d!ck, bi*ch
I'm sick enough to fu*k a man in his face but I won't
cause you'll probably wanna stand in his place
So put a sock in it, with your fake-ass Tupac image
You f*ggots ain't tough, you just get drunk and become talkative
(Wanna f!ght?) I'm probably the akwardest alcoholic talking
Walking like a midget with a ladder in his back pocket
So when you see me on your block stumbling, mumbling
A bunch of dumb sh*t like my drunk uncle does
I ain't buzzed, I'mm juss high on life
So why on earth would I need drugs, when I can fly on kites?
Motherfu*ker, Slim Shady"

.......

"The whole entire world can sit and twirl like a whirling tire
I set a fu*king girl on fire with a curling iron (AHH!)
Psych I'm just joking, for christ sake
Dont get so bent out of shape
cause I went out and r*ped six girlfriends
Some people just don't get it, but I won't let it upset me
cause they don't know better
They don't know what the fu*k its like to be so fed up
and fed so many uppers you're down and won't get up
My mind's got a mind of it's own, sometimes I can't find it at home
it hides in the stove (Hello, where you at?)
sh*t, talk about your brain being baked
My sh*t's still in the oven on 480 De-Grades"
 6 years ago '04        #12
refuze 285 heat pts285
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$18,702 | Props total: 15531 15531
Eminem is the GOAT when it comes to funny lines
 03-11-2012, 09:33 PM         #13
Sephiroth757  OP
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-I try to keep it positive and play it cool
-Shoot up the playground and tell the kids to stay in school
 6 years ago '06        #14
I smoke crack 
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Hit a blind man with a coloring book and told him color inside the lines or get hit with a flyin crayon
 6 years ago '05        #15
Sco Dylan 4 heat pts
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Not mentioned yet is the whole "Can-I-bi*ch" track...

"So we're off to Toronto, and we're gaining speed / *CRASH* what was that? Jermaine Dupri, fu*k it..."

"'Bis c'mon answer me man, respond! / Tell me bout the sun, moon, rain and stars / intergalactical metaphors from mars!"
 03-11-2012, 09:58 PM         #16
Karamu  OP
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 refuze said:
Eminem is the GOAT when it comes to funny lines
 6 years ago '05        #17
THEINFAMOUS 19 heat pts19
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The Will Smith diss is still funny to me.

Cuz that n*gga actually replied
 03-12-2012, 12:20 AM         #18
buhdarific  OP
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will smith dont gotta cuss in his raps to sell records well I do so fu*k him and fu*k you too


[video - click to view]



This


and then this


[video - click to view]


something about the second. I never understood how that was on missy sh*t, like seriously old girl did the fu*king hook on her own sh*t and let dude basiclly blackout on 2 beats. WTF



white trash, fu*king your wife in the a.ss, while you out siphinin gas, for your lawn more to cut
the grass.


I love when he pays homage to method man, on the Ill fu*kin illfu*kin, bang your nuts with spiked bat sh*t.
 6 years ago '11        #19
Two Pistols 18 heat pts18
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 Sco Dylan said:
Not mentioned yet is the whole "Can-I-bi*ch" track...

"'Bis c'mon answer me man, respond! / Tell me bout the sun, moon, rain and stars / intergalactical metaphors from mars!"
I'm a Canibus fan but that track was funny because a lot of his bars really do be like that lol
"i been rhymin since before the mesozoic era/dinosaurs and prehistoric era/before christ was cruicfied etc"

But "Nail In The Coffin" is one of my fav Eminem tracks
 03-12-2012, 12:31 AM         #20
yeugkk  OP
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