A Girl Hooks-Up With Quentin Tarantino But He Only Wants to Suck on Her Toes and Pleasure Himself

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 6 years ago '07        #1
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Ham Rove 3510 heat pts3510
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A Girl Hooks-Up With Quentin Tarantino But He Only Wants to Suck on Her Toes and Pleasure Himself
 

 

This is an e-mail blast a girl sent to all her friends -- with photographic proof -- about a sloppy make-out session and bedroom encounter with Oscar-winning filmmaker Quentin Tarantino. Highlights include her bashing his "seminal films" (Kill Bill 1 and 2) to his face at a party. The unquestionable money shot: "Quentin Tarantino asks, 'Can I suck on your toes while I jerk off?' Find out if she lets him explore his foot fetish in the completely unedited e-mail below.

Friendsicles,



You are either getting this e-mail because I've promised I would tell you this story and haven't yet, you're besties with someone I used to hook up with, or because my need for attention and adulation has reached such an all time high that I decided to pick 15 of you at random to listen to this story (most likely explanation), but all the same, below is the (in)famous but true story of how I met Quentin Tarantino...Adam and Ethan, I'll be expecting your short film script of this in my inbox in the next couple of weeks...




Wednesday, June 1st, 2011:




Get a BBM at 8 in the morning from my friend Nicki telling me we're going to a party in "the Hills" that night because the Yankees were in town. But this party now presents a conundrum as a) I didn't know people partied on Wednesdays because I'm uncool and b) I had just run out of clean underwear and hadn't shaved my legs in three days, so I wasn't really in a "party" sort of place. (what's that you say? You're surprised I'm single?) However, after being told to grow a pair, I decided to join the girls after work for this fiesta.



Party time rolls around that evening and despite being a Wednesday, and based on how many trashy girls in short dresses there are, it looks like the inside of any club in Las Vegas has vomited inside this music producer's home. Minus all the hordes of Asians you get in real Las Vegas. I spend my first hour at this party irritated at having to even be there, and then telling the Yankees picture Joba Chamberlain how he'll never be as great as my beloved Brian Wilson. I think he may have called me a lesbian as I was walking away, but I guess you can't blame him since I did choose to wear pants. Anyways, I digress.



Heading back inside, bored out of mind, I look over and notice Jamie Foxx and Quentin Tarantino have joined the melee. Joy. Two more people at this party who could not give a sh*t about who I am. I go back to texting in the corner while stuffing my face with a hot dog. About an hour later I'm making a drink and realize the pasty tall fellow pouring orange juice into my glass is the man himself, QT. Realizing I kind of have to go for at it this point, in all my nerd glory blurt out: "I'm sure everyone tells you this but I fu*king loved Reservoir Dogs. I watched it when I was 11 for my school newspaper, and it's badass." He starts laughing, thanks me, pleasantries are exchanged about how I was clearly a fu*ked up 11 year old for watching Reservoir Dogs, and we start what appears it might be a delightful little chat about film. Until this happens:



Quentin: Wow so you really loved Reservoir Dogs, huh? Which of my other films do you like?



(this blatant arrogance is the type of douchebaggery that really gets my gourd about Hollywood, so now my film boner has turned to film hate fu*k, and I feel the need to cheekily undermine Quentin.)



Me: Oh wow. You know, I really didn't like k!ll Bill...

Quentin: What? What do you mean? 1 or 2?



Me: Ehh, a little bit of both. I just didn't care for them.



Quentin: Wow...I don't think anyone has said that to my face about my seminal films.



Me: Perhaps it's because you call them your seminal films. Shouldn't you wait for someone else to say that?



Quentin: You know, you've got a mouth on you. I like that.



At this point, QT puts an arm around me and I'm acutely aware that Quentin Tarantino has an arm around me. As are my four friends, who are all looking at me as if I have grown a second head. To be fair, I am easily the most uncool out of all my friends (I go to Q's in Brentwood four nights a week), so the fact that anyone even mildly famous wants to speak to me is pretty shocking. He's chatting with my friends and I like it's no big deal, I am pretending like this happens every night of my life, and out of nowhere he leans in for the makeout. Yes. True story. I am pulling a frat move and making out in a crowded kitchen with Quentin fu*king Tarantino. I cannot stop laughing AS this is happening, mainly because I see my friends Nicki and Jen literally gag behind Quentin's head, and I really am doing this for the story at this point. We make out some more, take a walk, keep making out, get more drinks, lather, rinse, repeat. Believe me when I say I'm not bragging, because..well...have you looked at a photo of Quentin Tarantino recently? (Please refer to:
[pic - click to view]

 http://bit.ly/jL4ORR)



At some point in our public makeout, Jamie Foxx comes over and without acknowledging me goes, "Yo QT, ready to roll?" Quentin looks at me and says "Want to come to my house?" Ummmmmm...fu*k yes? We get in an SUV and off we go. As I'm in the car though, I realize two things: 1) Making out with Quentin Tarantino is a great story, but there is no way I plan on putting out, and 2) This is a director who makes up fu*ked up films for a living, there is a 23% chance he could Phil Spektor me, and I'm definitely not ready to die. But alas, I'm already in the car and we're off.



We get to the house, which is gorgeous, and Jamie Foxx takes off with his lady friend (I try to say bye to him and he doesn't even look at me. Jamie Foxx could not have given 2 sh*ts who I was. This is probably karma because I snuck into a screening of Ray in 2004 with my black boyfriend who worked at AMC at the time, instead of buying a ticket). Which leaves me and QT alone in his bar. I spot a photo booth and immediately realize that we must take photos, if for nothing else, proof that this story even happened. (Because I know at least 7 of you right now think I'm still lying, and are pissed you had to read this much. It gets even better, I promise!!) We get a few good photo strips, which I immediately buried at the bottom of my purse lest he take them from me, and go on talking about film. (For you film geeks, this was a great conversation that led to QT cutting me a trailer of my five favorite bad movies, but for sake of some semblance of brevity, I will leave that aside for another day)



After a lengthy film discussion, Quentin suggests we head to bed, which is the point where I really start panicking. I have stalled for a good long time but the makeouts were really losing their appeal because you can only be sweated on so much, and we were getting closer to the moment of truth on whether I'd have to put out or not. The makeout continues for a while longer, and I'm really getting nervous about where the night may lead, kicking myself over not pretending to be more drunk and "passing out", and wishing he'd turn the damn lights off so that he won't notice that I'm wearing Hanes Her Way underwear the size of Canada that I bought at CVS that morning because my life is really just that sad and pathetic. We make out some more, there's a little below the belt action that I try to avoid, as QT has the most unattractive p*nis I have ever seen (short. fat. nub-like. The chode of all chodes. Boys, those junior high pamphlets are lying when they say that all shapes and sizes are normal. Lying.) Just as I'm about to hyperventilate over the fact that he may try to put that horrific bodily implement anywhere near my Britney, he leans over and goes "Hey..."



I know this "Hey." This is the "Hey, should I get a condom?" hey that accompanies 20 minutes of ungratifying s3x. As I'm trying to rapidly think of ways I can agent myself out of this deal, I hear what is without a doubt, the strangest question in the history of my life. Quentin Tarantino asks, "Can I suck on your toes while I jerk off?" What. The. fu*k.



Many of you may have seen this coming, as his foot fetish is WELL documented, but for some of us who spend more time watching Kate Hudson than we do Quentin Tarantino, this was a huge shock. On top of that, I don't even like weird s3x habits! A saucy hookup for me is on the foot of the bed, instead of on a pillow. Someone tried to talk me into a threesome once and I cried for an hour. Having someone ask to fellate my feet while rubbing one out was a world I was not prepared for.



But desperate times call for desperate measures, and I realized this just might be my get out of jail free card on the whole chode in vag issue. After some negotiations about how I would not partake in any of the hand job action were nailed down, I begrudgingly acquiesced. (And by begrudgingly, I realized I didn't have to shut up the dude and said sure why not in about 0.03 seconds) And thus began the weirdest ten minutes of my life - having my feet made out with by an Oscar winning filmmaker while he pleasured himself. Truth be told, it wasn't so bad. I didn't have to do anything (a nice bonus, since I am undoubtedly the laziest person in bed, which some of you can attest to), no bodily secretions were ejected anywhere near me or my feet (thank god, because I imagine it would feel like walking in sand with wet I fu*king hate that), and just as I hoped, we went to bed right after.



In the morning, I snooped through Quentin's belongings while he was in the bathroom and now know his e-mail address. He fooled around with my feet one more time (this time without asking, which I found rude), and then drove me back to Nicki's apartment in Weho and that was that.



Most insane experience of my life, and without a doubt, probably the best story I will ever get to tell. Those of you who know me well know of my love of hyperbole, so I'm actually rather sad that I won't get to use "best story ever!!!" when talking about how I scored a free topping at Yogurtland anymore, but I suppose for Quentin I can make an exception. I'll try not to forget all of you little people when my feet and I make our meteoric race (foot pun intended) to the top of the A-List soon.



Till then, I've attached our photo booth photos for those of you who think I still just have a vivid imagination...and yes, he does look like Frankenstein.

image @ he might Phil Spector me hah. Knew dude had to be a weirdo

74 comments for "A Girl Hooks-Up With Quentin Tarantino But He Only Wants to Suck on Her Toes and Pleasure Himself"

 6 years ago '08        #2
Eagles All Day 87 heat pts87
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Yea thats a little too much to read about something i care nothing about
 6 years ago '07        #3
Ham Rove 3510 heat pts3510 OP
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 FaceTheGawd said:
Yea thats a little too much to read about something i care nothing about
you cared enough to share with people in the thread that you dont care? oook
 6 years ago '08        #4
Eagles All Day 87 heat pts87
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 minimafia_aj said:
you cared enough to share with people in the thread that you dont care? oook
It took me 5 seconds to post the first time, and 5 seconds to post now.
 6 years ago '07        #5
Ham Rove 3510 heat pts3510 OP
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 FaceTheGawd said:
It took me 5 seconds to post the first time, and 5 seconds to post now.
you act like everyone gives a sh*t if you care or not. if you dont care why not keep it moving?
 6 years ago '07        #6
Ham Rove 3510 heat pts3510 OP
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 Curtisimo said:
I mean you know you could have watched death Proof and see that QT got a fascination with bi*ches feet.


But Yeah


Didn't Read
I know its pretty well documented lol i just thought this was funny as hell. dudes a certified weirdo
 6 years ago '08        #7
Eagles All Day 87 heat pts87
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 minimafia_aj said:
you act like everyone gives a sh*t if you care or not. if you dont care why not keep it moving?
Its a forum where i can write what i want

Why you got your panties in a bunch?
 6 years ago '04        #8
jeehtoven 51 heat pts51
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Yeah...this is pretty stupid. I'm leaving.
 6 years ago '07        #9
SmokinPiff 
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wow... this chick seems like the worst fu*k ever. she really should brag about being lazy in bed

also, jacking off to feet is fu*king weird.
 6 years ago '07        #10
|JOHN| 
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that sounds about right
 6 years ago '07        #11
blablablabla 1 heat pts
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that chick looks gross, indian women stay hairy...
 6 years ago '04        #12
Liquid-Science 28 heat pts28
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He wrote Pulp Fiction, he can do what he wants in my book
 6 years ago '06        #13
Isiah61 8 heat pts
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Is she black? If so I knew it.
 6 years ago '04        #14
MochaWhitey 10 heat pts10
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[pic - click to view]

 6 years ago '09        #15
LOONATIK 1 heat pts
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 Liquid-Science said:
He wrote Pulp Fiction, he can do what he wants in my book
this. indiana jonesing lost..
 06-28-2011, 07:00 PM         #16
Got Cheeve? 
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i hate bi*ches like this. admittedly sloppy, and PROUD of it, they are more than likely overweight and proud of it. then have the nerve to sh*t on a millionaire that made her cool in front of her friends for a night? what a c*nt.
 6 years ago '10        #17
Gottagat 
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lol at saying my black bf...
 6 years ago '10        #18
ecomog 98 heat pts98
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 FaceTheGawd said:
Its a forum where i can write what i want

Why you got your panties in a bunch?
All I wanna know, is who's that in your avatar?
 06-28-2011, 07:38 PM         #19
Ednyce 
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dude is on that brian pumper
 6 years ago '10        #20
smokinthe420 4 heat pts
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 MochaWhitey said:

[pic - click to view]

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