Bill Maher Appreciation Thread

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 6 years ago '07        #1
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Ham Rove 3503 heat pts3503
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Bill Maher Appreciation Thread
 

 
Dude is pretty funny, I know a lot of people don't like him but dude is pretty hilarious

this is one of my fav. new rules from him. Long read but pretty spot on.
New Rule: With the Super Bowl only a week away, Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, for all the F-15 flyovers and flag waving, football is our most successful sport because the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives it to the poor teams... just like President Obama wants to do with his secret army of ACORN volunteers. Green Bay, Wisconsin has a population of 100,000. Yet this sleepy little town on the banks of the f**k-if-I-know River has just as much of a chance of making it to the Super Bowl as the New York Jets - who next year need to just shut the hell up and play.

Now, me personally, I haven't watched a Super Bowl since 2004, when Janet Jackson's n*pple popped out during half time, and that split-second glimpse of an unrestrained black titty burned my eyes and offended me as a Christian. But I get it - who doesn't love the spectacle of juiced-up millionaires giving each other brain damage on a giant flat-screen TV with a picture so realistic it feels like Ben Roethlisberger is in your living room, grabbing your sister?

It's no surprise that some 100 million Americans will watch the Super Bowl next week - that's 40 million more than go to church on Christmas - suck on that, Jesus! It's also 85 million more than watched the last game of the World Series, and in that is an economic lesson for America. Because football is built on an economic model of fairness and opportunity, and baseball is built on a model where the rich almost always win and the poor usually have no chance. The World Series is like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. You have to be a rich b**ch just to play. The Super Bowl is like Tila Tequila. Anyone can get in.

Or to put it another way, football is more like the Democratic philosophy. Democrats don't want to eliminate capitalism or competition, but they'd like it if some kids didn't have to go to a crummy school in a rotten neighborhood while others get to go to a great school and their Dad gets them into Harvard. Because when that happens "achieving the American dream" is easy for some, and just a fantasy for others.

That's why the NFL runs itself in a way that would fit nicely on Glenn Beck's chalkboard - they literally share the wealth, through salary caps and revenue sharing - TV is their biggest source of revenue, and they put all of it in a big commie pot and split it 32 ways. Because they don't want anyone to fall too far behind. That's why the team that wins the Super Bowl picks last in the next draft. Or what the Republicans would call "punishing success."

Baseball, on the other hand, is exactly like the Republicans, and I don't just mean it's incredibly boring. I mean their economic theory is every man for himself. The small market Pittsburgh Steelers go to the Super Bowl more than anybody - but the Pittsburgh Pirates? Levi Johnston has sperm that will not grow up and live long enough to see the Pirates in a World Series. Their payroll is about $40 million, and the Yankees is $206 million. They have about as much chance at getting in the playoffs as a poor black teenager from Newark has of becoming the CEO of Halliburton. That's why people stop going to Pirate games in May, because if you're not in the game, you become indifferent to the fate of the game, and maybe even get bitter - that's what's happening to the middle class in America. It's also how Marie Antoinette lost her head.

So, you kind of have to laugh - the same angry white males who hate Obama because he's "redistributing wealth" just love football, a sport that succeeds economically because it does exactly that. To them, the NFL is as American as hot dogs, Chevrolet, apple pie, and a second, giant helping of apple pie. But then again, they think they're macho because their sport is football, when honestly - is there anything gayer than wearing another man's shirt?


Last edited by Ham Rove; 02-16-2012 at 12:52 AM..
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500 comments for "Bill Maher Appreciation Thread"

 6 years ago '06        #2
Bama Boy 86 heat pts86
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i like Bill Maher. i think its a lil overbearing with the religious stuff, i personally believe in god so it turns me back when he talks s**t about religion all the time. but most of the rest of the s**t he says is straight real talk.
 6 years ago '07        #3
stogz 15 heat pts15
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 Birdman's Back said:
i like Bill Maher. i think its a lil overbearing with the religious stuff, i personally believe in god so it turns me back when he talks s**t about religion all the time. but most of the rest of the s**t he says is straight real talk.
Yea, I don't think the problem is that he doesn't believe in religion... it's just that he's such a d!ck about it. He's sooo adamant about it all being fake and he doesn't see the irony in the way he carries on about it. Religious people are sooo adamant that it's real... and many of them are d!cks about it in the opposite way.

I usually hate his monologues though. He's at his best when he ethers people with fact.
 6 years ago '05        #4
ivan1087 9 heat pts
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Bill is the sheeit.
 6 years ago '07        #5
Ham Rove 3503 heat pts3503 OP
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did you guys see what he said about football and baseball? i think thats a great analogy.
 6 years ago '06        #6
Bama Boy 86 heat pts86
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 minimafia_aj said:
did you guys see what he said about football and baseball? i think thats a great analogy.
yea that was a cpl weeks ago on his show, it was perfect.
 6 years ago '07        #7
Bleezy 10 heat pts10
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Mama, there goes that man!
 02-18-2011, 01:43 AM         #8
Illstreet 
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Been watching religously(no pun ) for atleast 6-7 years now...
A-N-D-1 gave props
 
 6 years ago '07        #9
Ham Rove 3503 heat pts3503 OP
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Yeah he stays s**ttin on glen beck and the tea baggers
 02-18-2011, 06:43 AM         #10
smokeweed101. 
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He has some cool work, and effective too he has a few religious nuts upset here.
 6 years ago '07        #11
young moolah 5 heat pts
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only annoying thing is the audience clapping every 2 seconds.
 6 years ago '07        #12
Ham Rove 3503 heat pts3503 OP
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he kinda went in on the black dude tonight lol
 02-21-2011, 01:59 AM         #13
KYP 
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Anyone see that audience member flipping out?

Also, Kevin Smith is the king of d!ck jokes.
 6 years ago '04        #14
LordBlanco|M 45 heat pts45
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Bill is that dude. He plays both sides of the fence sometimes, which can be frustrating, but I appreciate his input.
 02-21-2011, 03:23 AM         #15
phillyCANNON 
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RELIGIOUS is brilliant.
 6 years ago '07        #16
Ham Rove 3503 heat pts3503 OP
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lol kevin smith needs to stop rocking those Hockey Jerseys. he was sweating his a.ss off lol s**t was painful to watch in HD. But when they said that chicks name I thought she was gonna be liberal. she was right wing and pretty stupid ha
 6 years ago '09        #17
Walt Thizzney 133 heat pts133
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elitist douche bag
 6 years ago '07        #18
1LynguisticMind 177 heat pts177
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Id vote for him if he ran for president
 02-21-2011, 09:30 PM         #19
Chest Rockwell 
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 Walt Thizzney said:
elitist douche bag
this.

i dont mind hearing s**t i dont agree w, but this f**k condescends and degrades anybody and everybody with an opposing opinion. dont see how people can admire this dude
 6 years ago '05        #20
ReppinDaBurghh 55 heat pts55
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One of my favorite television personalities, by far.
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