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DaOmega_1's TOP 10 WORST MOVIES OF 2018


 


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 1 week ago '05        #1
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DaOmega_1 288 heat pts288
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DaOmega_1's TOP 10 WORST MOVIES OF 2018
 

 
So begins my lists. This year, I'll be doing my top 10 best list, my top 10 worst list, and maybe my top 10 disappoints of 2018. Let's start with the worst...

10. THE DARKEST MINDS

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Be honest… You’ve forgotten about “The Darkest Minds”. Of course you have. As you should. Here is another dystopian YA adaptation that feels instantly dated as soon as the opening credits. I can’t give this film anything other than an eye-roll. Because, you’ve seen this if you’ve seen “The Maze Runner”… or “The Fifth Wave”… or “Divergent”… or “The Hunger Games”.

The film itself, based on its presentation, is… passable. No more. No less. What pushes this film to be actively irritating is how unoriginal it is. That and stilted dialogue that seems like it was written by aliens. The shame is that it wastes some good actors. Amandla Stenberg, Gwendoline Christie, and Bradley Whitford give really solid performances here, yet its all in the service of another YA adaptation that could’ve been written via Mad Libs. I have no interest in giving another one of these things my time or energy.
9. FIFTY SHADES FREED

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Nothing happens in “Fifty Shades Freed”. No major conflict, no plot, nor story. Just s3x scenes, and a subplot involving a stalker that gets like 10 minutes of screen time, and gets resolved in half that time. I don’t think I’ve ever in my life seen a movie in which so little happens. It's a trilogy that is largely just Instagram posts of beautiful locales before our charisma-less protagonists robo-grind their way to an obligatory orgasm. These s3x scenes are the centerpiece of the film, yet they feels like jury duty. It kinda has to be there, so who gives a fu*k?

And, our main actors have so little chemistry, it's like they hate each other. You simply don’t buy it. Maybe there’s a reason for this. These films treat themselves so deadly serious, it’s impossible to feel any playful s3xual tension between our leads. It plays in this detached manner, at arm’s length from our characters to give it this veneer of depth. It’s this exact sternness that makes the films so boring. This could probably do with a tone closer to something more aware of itself. But, it’s not. It’s dishonest… both to the audience and itself about what it truly is.
8. THE HAPPYTIME murderS

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“The Happytime murders” is one joke. And, that joke is the premise. Said joke gets repeated ad nauseam for 91 minutes, getting more desperate and unfunny as it goes along. It’s an entire movie that says “what if puppets, but they say “fu*k” a few times?”. The humor is supposed to come from the adult content a.ssociated with something mostly for children. But, that gets old very fast. At that point, the audience has to wonder what else the movie has. The answer is nothing.

This premise had tons of potential. The cast has funny folks in it. There’s concepts here that if fully explored could be great. But, it’s literally a movie composed of one element... “shock”. Vulgarity is the only card it knows how to play. No wit. Just soul-deadening joke(s) that land with a thud. To be clear, one-joke-movies can work. Something like “Liar Liar” is an example of this. In the case of “Happytime murders”, it’s an eye-roll-inducing film. But, what’s more disappointing is that this might be the last hurrah for Jim Henson films, and for a legacy that really only lives on in Sesame Street. Maybe that’s for the best.
7. UNFRIENDED: DARK WEB

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“Unfriended: Dark Web” is everything your grandparents thinks is on the internet. Whereas the original “Unfriended” made it supernatural, this one tries to go "reality" via the deep web. Essentially, the filmmakers seem to believe that the internet is a place where super-secret murder gangs have online blood orgies while playing Fortnite. The result is embarrassing on a level that could only be worse if it was also a Christian film. The film frequently confuses being “scary” with being “cruel”. Because, that’s really what the movie is… cruel. Mostly to its characters. Some aren’t even important enough to get onscreen deaths.

But, even worse is the fact that the tone itself is confused. It wants to use real world phenomenons like human trafficking to disturb the audience, while also treating the various scenes of cruelty fetishistically to satisfy the gorehounds. I’d imagine this contradicting tone might be more palatable had the film’s central conceit held up under scrutiny… Except, it doesn’t. Rather, the film and its veneer of believability falls apart VERY early on, making the film a somewhat farcical experience. So, if you want to see a film that uses the internet to mine real-life tragedy… Well, go watch “Searching”.
6. death OF A NATION

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“death of a Nation” is a… “documentary”… that should have infinite asterisks attached to it. This is as much a documentary as “Ancient Aliens”, except “Ancient Aliens” is minorly based in fact. In this, Dinesh D’Souza commits several outright lies and falsehoods just to make his movie work. That premise being that Trump is the second coming of Lincoln. And yes, that is actually what this movie's about. The leaps of logics really should be seen to be believed. In fact, if anyone who knows all about logical fallacies watched this, I’m pretty sure they’d leave with a brain aneurysm.

Because this a political film, I’m just gonna talk about the film itself. And the film… is awful. All of Dinesh’s films are sh*t, but this is the worst of them. The overdramatic presentation, the use of reenactments, the cheesy music, Dinesh’s dry-ass narration… It’s like a high school junior's social studies project. There isn’t a thing in this film that isn’t done poorly. Which begs the question, is this the kind of sub-edible slop that Trump supporters view as “entertainment”? This sh*t isn’t even watchable. I mean, Dinesh’s other films could be laughed at. This is a new low. Politics be damned, this sucks.
5. SHOW DOGS

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I really don’t want to write a blurb about “Show Dogs”. It’s a nauseating fever dream masquerading as a family film, and it tried my patience right from the opening. I haven’t had a movie nearly push me into walking out in awhile, but this film practically held the door open, goading me into leaving. I mean, where to start with this thing… The CGI is rubbery crap. It’s fu*king 2018, and y’all can’t do talking animals convincingly? Didn’t “Babe” do this exact same sh*t back in the 90’s? CG is one thing, but the awful corny jokes are another. I sat in the theater, trying as best as I could to avoid looking at the screen like I’m witnessing someone get shot. "Cringe" isn't a strong enough word for my reaction to these "jokes".

This voice cast is cheesy as fu*k. We have Ludacris (who apparently is between Fast & Furious movies), Jordin Sparks (hey, remember American Idol?), RuPaul, unfunny-ass Gabriel “Fluffy” Iglesias… This cast… is ridiculous. There’s no reason for these people to be here except to put their names on the poster. And they all perform with the passion of people waiting for their checks to clear. The humans aren't much better. Will Arnett is our human protagonist, and he’s clearly sleepwalking, acting while basically counting down until he can go home. I can relate. Because, there’s a prominent scene that really did almost get me to leave. It’s this scene that is so wrong, so mind-bogglingly incorrect, that the studio itself literally deleted the scene from the film WHILE it was still playing in theaters. It’s that bad. The fact that such an awful scene can stand out from such an awful movie is quite an accomplishment.
4. SLENDER MAN

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“Slender Man” boldly asks the question “what if we make a horror film except everything scary happens offscreen”. It’s fascinatingly boring. Based on a meme that entered public consciousness, this film feels at once dated and hamstrung by what’s not in the movie. And, what’s not in the movie is… everything. There’s a reason for this. “Slender Man” was gutted by the studio, who feared a backlash in the wake of the stabbings that were inspired by the fictitious character. So, everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, that could be considered major story beats are not in the movie.

So, what you get is this sludgy film that’s all set-up and no payoff. All table-setting, and no meal. I mean, the movie was never going to be anything other than meh. The acting is what you’d expect… bad. The dialogue and writing is laughable, it sounds like what a 45 year old man a.ssumes teenage girls talk like. It was likely to be a bad anyway. But what makes it one of the worst of 2018 is just how limp the film is in every possible way. Whether gutted or not, the confusing and often logic-challenged narrative here is simply inexcusable. Just goes to show… Maybe we should leave memes to the professionals.
3. JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM

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“Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom” is what would happen if cocaine could write a screenplay. I'd say it’s dumb, but that doesn’t feel like strong enough. I'd say it’s pointless, but that doesn’t cover how inept the film’s storytelling is. Like, they introduce this McGuffin that has zip to do with the main portion of the film until literally the final 10 minutes. So, the thing that opens our movie has nothing to do with our movie. Dafuq? Secondly, every single character acts like idiots. There is not a single smart character. I found myself wishing that a giant T.Rex foot came and stepped on all of them.

This film goes from worse to “holy fu*king sh*t” in its final act. The ending, to me, has to be the most insane I’ve seen in any movie this year. It simply makes no sense, and requires massive glacier-sized leaps just to accommodate them. I remember sitting in my seat, trying to wrap my head around what I just saw. I mean, surely the filmmakers can't think this little of its audience. Because, this film is cavalierly idiotic, not caring about itself as it plunges to its own stupid demise. At one point, we see a Brachiosaurus (implied to be the original from the first film) get consumed by ash and fire. I’d like to imagine the audience wished they could join it.
2. THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT

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If Lars Von Trier’s “The House That Jack Built” was any more masturbatory, it wouldn’t be in theaters, and instead would be on pr0nhub. It’s the portrait of an artist obsessed with himself, using the window dressing of a serial k!ller film to smell his own farts. I think what offends me most isn’t the violence or even the auteur-excused s3xism. It’s how incredibly tedious it is. It’s just so damn boring. The film has one good scene. It’s this incredibly unnerving scene that involves a duckling and our protagonist with a pair of scissors. The rest of the film, the bulk of it, is akin to a kid throwing a temper tantrum in a supermarket. I just want to hand it some crayons and a coloring book, and tell it to shut the fu*k up.

A good cast, including the likes of Matt Dillon, Uma Thurman, Riley Keough, all seem game for the material here. But, Von Trier cannot write characters. He only knows how to write mouth pieces for his ideas. So, it’s hard to feel connected to the film, its protagonist, his victims, or the general message of the film. It’s so stubbornly detached from anything resembling humanity. By the last third, I realized that Von Trier made a movie essentially for no one but himself. This is what he thinks of himself as an artist, and it’s a laborious seemingly never-ending chore to watch it. I hate it. It’s sh*t like this that gives art films a bad name.
1. A WRINKLE IN TIME

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“A Wrinkle In Time” is the worst movie of 2018. Hell, it might be the worst movie of 2017 too. I’m vexed by how truly awful it is. Like, you have to imagine being in the theater opening weekend, staring at the screen incredulous at how inept it is. This film cannot tell a story. It cannot elicit wonder. It cannot do anything but tax the audience’s brain and waste their time. The sheer amount of cringe, the sheer amount of “what-the-fu*k” dialogue. I mean, at one point, Reese Witherspoon becomes this giant leaf like creature, and I actually felt embarrassed for the movie. I’m puzzled at how bad this film is, not just narratively but structurally.

Bruh… How do you edit a scene of 7 people in one room to make it seem like ALL of them are in separate places? How do you edit a scene so badly that time & space forgets itself, and our protagonist ages 6 years without telling the audience? How do you have characters so ill-developed the it feels like we’re in the 6th episode of the 8th season of a tv show? I mean, I know this film has talented people in front of and behind the camera. I know the source material is much loved. I know this has DISNEY money behind it. All the things in its favor, yet you end up with a film that is, in nearly every possible fashion, TERRIBLE. “A Wrinkle In Time” may be one of the worst movies I’ve seen this decade, and is without a doubt the worst of 2018. And nothing, not even masturbatory bullsh*t or dinosaurs or Slender-Man himself, could possibly be worse.
Well, that was therapeutic. I should have my top 10 list in a few weeks. And, as always, thanks for reading.


Last edited by DaOmega_1; 12-04-2018 at 03:54 PM..
+28   

88 comments for "DaOmega_1's TOP 10 WORST MOVIES OF 2018"

 1 week ago '12        #2
Pleasure Boy 1300 heat pts1300
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I actually enjoyed Unfriended

Will never watch any 50 Shades movies... Jurassic World was disappointing... Slenderman was a piece of sh*t and I'm easily scared
+7   

 1 week ago '14        #3
strungout 391 heat pts391
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hate that oprah took an L with that movie

but aye, you should seriously consider being a film critic on youtube and get that AD $$
+1   

 1 week ago '06        #4
kmstokes 
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My ex took me to see that wrinkle in time. That sh*t was so bad. That's the worst movie I've ever seen ever.
+7   

 1 week ago '06        #5
jester2trife 1 heat pts
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Jurassic Park and Unfriended > Mandy
-4   

 1 week ago '10        #6
Blkboipurp 
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“Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom” is what would happen if cocaine could write a screenplay.
+6   

 1 week ago '17        #7
QdobaCasanova 12 heat pts12
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the predator definitely deserves to be on there.
I gotta see death of a Nation for the laughs
+4   

 1 week ago '05        #8
DaOmega_1 288 heat pts288 OP
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 QdobaCasanova said
the predator definitely deserves to be on there.
I gotta see death of a Nation for the laughs
Didn't see it, but I'll have to check it out.

 1 week ago '17        #9
QdobaCasanova 12 heat pts12
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 DaOmega_1 said
Didn't see it, but I'll have to check it out.
I mean, don’t. It’s offensively bad. If you want a definitive “Worst of” list; then, yeah.

But you can trust me on it being baffingly bad.
+1   

 1 week ago '05        #10
DaOmega_1 288 heat pts288 OP
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 strungout said
hate that oprah took an L with that movie

but aye, you should seriously consider being a film critic on youtube and get that AD $$
If anything, I'd wanna do a film review podcast.
+6   

 1 week ago '07        #11
TH35 112 heat pts112
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I liked 7 and 8
+1   

 1 week ago '07        #12
TH35 112 heat pts112
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 QdobaCasanova said
I mean, don’t. It’s offensively bad. If you want a definitive “Worst of” list; then, yeah.

But you can trust me on it being baffingly bad.
Predator is enjoyably bad imo... I think I gave it a 5/6 ... I didn’t expect much.

Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom would have to be the worst blockbuster I’ve seen in a long time.

I want to see the uncut version of the House that Jack Built
+1   

 1 week ago '08        #13
J_Clarity13 112 heat pts112
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 DaOmega_1 said
If anything, I'd wanna do a film review podcast.
Do it

 1 week ago '09        #14
messy marv stan 5026 heat pts5026
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 DaOmega_1 said
If anything, I'd wanna do a film review podcast.




you should review the new robin hood movie
+2   

 1 week ago '15        #15
Preacher Mane 30 heat pts30
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Gotdamn ‘A Wrinkle In Time’ is #1 Omega? I didn’t like it and was bored too but sheesh

 1 week ago '05        #16
DaOmega_1 288 heat pts288 OP
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 Preacher Mane said
Gotdamn ‘A Wrinkle In Time’ is #1 Omega? I didn’t like it and was bored too but sheesh
Bruh, it was AWFUL. Really, nearly everything about it is terrible. Awful dialogue, awful acting, syrupy-gross CGI, a confusing incoherent narrative, TERRIBLE editing, etc. You name it, this film fu*ks it up.
+2   

 1 week ago '07        #17
Rico23 25 heat pts25
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Happytime murders is spot on It was on at the barbershop i go to and in that time there was a s3x scene that ended cumshot silly string sequence that lasted for like 5-10 mins and just every time a puppet was shot in the head...also the flashback of the puppet accidentally shooting someone with a stray was so shocking that it was pretty fu*kin hilarious in a messed up way
+1   

 1 week ago '17        #18
Ifeellikekobe 90 heat pts90
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I am glad you put D’Souza movie on the list becuase we can not let that type of bullsh*t slide. On to JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM just Good grief

 1 week ago '16        #19
Negusis 5 heat pts
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I enjoyed several of these movies. Probably because i dont take them seriously.

Jurassic Park for instance was hilarious to me. It was unintentionally comedic.

 1 week ago '05        #20
DaOmega_1 288 heat pts288 OP
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 Ifeellikekobe said
I am glad you put D’Souza movie on the list becuase we can not let that type of bullsh*t slide. On to JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM just Good grief
Why does D'Souza get to keep making movies? Who's seeing them? It's baffling.

And, yeah. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is super trash...

 1 week ago '05        #21
DaOmega_1 288 heat pts288 OP
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 Negusis said
I enjoyed several of these movies. Probably because i dont take them seriously.

Jurassic Park for instance was hilarious to me. It was unintentionally comedic.
Enjoyable ≠ Good

Enjoying something doesn't make it good. I enjoy some of Michael Bay's earlier pre-transformers films, but I can also acknowledge that they're not good movies (exception being "The Rock").

Tho, I'd be hard-pressed to say I enjoyed anything about the movies on this list.

 1 week ago '10        #22
Black Excellence 228 heat pts228
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Is Ava DuVernay about to be the black Stephenie Meyer?

 1 week ago '05        #23
DaOmega_1 288 heat pts288 OP
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 Black Excellence said
Is Ava DuVernay about to be the black Stephenie Meyer?
Stephanie Meyer never directed any of those "Twilight" films... She just wrote the novels they're based on.

So, no. If anything, the black Stephanie Meyer is Zane.
+1   

 1 week ago '11        #24
Ichiban Mugen 9 heat pts
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Ava is the scam Queen.

 1 week ago '10        #25
Black Excellence 228 heat pts228
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 DaOmega_1 said
Stephanie Meyer never directed any of those "Twilight" films... She just wrote the novels they're based on.

So, no. If anything, the black Stephanie Meyer is Zane.
Ohh I thought she did, I never watched any of them

I just know the books and movies sucked.

Zane

Damn you might be spot on
+1   

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