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Oh sh-t It's Here!!! The Full SNL Monologue That Got Martin Lawrence Banned From NBC.




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 1 year ago '05        #51
blackninja 
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 fallguy said
he was banned from nbc. if i recall will smith got him back on the network. i think will was suppose to be on a show to promote something and he wouldn't do it if martin couldn't do it too....
Must have been Bad Boys.

 1 year ago '13        #52
YourHighness 
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Felt like Varnell Hill let Martin Payne host his show and gave him his 3mins. Classic.
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 1 year ago '08        #53
AC_89  topics gone triple plat - Number 1 spot x2
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Video is down???
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 1 year ago '04        #54
kniccalodeon 
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 JohnnyCage202 said
Wait so hold on, is the video blocked or nah? It's still showing for me, is it showing for y'all?
It got blocked while I was watching because it messed up and then stopped working.

 1 year ago '16        #55
Bad 
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 86'd said

So many smiley potentials.
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 1 year ago '05        #56
clarence1986 
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[IMG]<blockquote class="imgur-embed-pub" lang="en" data-id="a/4sazfJj"><a href="//imgur.com/4sazfJj"></a></blockquote><script async src="//s.imgur.com/min/embed.js" charset="utf-8"></script>[/IMG]

 1 year ago '16        #57
Teknicks 
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 Heisenberg said
Adrian Brody for his Jafakeian impression.


@ is that you?
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 1 year ago '17        #59
Tony Outlaw 
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Damn, we need this sh*t.

Reupload OP!
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 1 year ago '15        #60
jasonchambers 
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 Blaffy said
Someone is going to say some real sh*t during all this political correctness and sensitivity.

It maybe on the net
It may be censored
Censored by the people first and then government

Kanye already did.
-1   

 1 year ago '07        #61
cankstoochie 
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fu*k nbc.. *goes to watch you so crazy*

 1 year ago '16        #62
Pro materiall 
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 Blocka Blocka said
Man it not working no more
Use the yahoo link
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 1 year ago '12        #63
LivinProof 
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 TheThreadLord said
who else been banned from snl
Sinead o'connor for ripping a photo of the Pope during her song






Steven Seagal for general as*holery on and off the set

 1 year ago '10        #64
pacman45 
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 MayneThaTruth2 said
Martin standup game always been triddash!! His strong point has always been tv and films.
He brought def comedy jam to it's peak from the beginning while doing his sitcom, and you so crazy is beyond a classic. Stop that bruh.
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 1 year ago '04        #65
Top Shelf 
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 bonez79 said
Probably nothing, it was the '90's and you know how fxcked up censorship was back then, you couldn't even scratch your nuts on radio back then. Lol
Naw censorship aiant as fu*ked up in the 90's as it is now. The 90's was wild back than. Especially when u had shows like Married With Children, The Howard Stern Show, etc.
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 1 year ago '17        #66
DaQCKing 
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 EZ Green said
Nah. You so crazy is a classic.
Not to mention dude had to pretty much improv his Def Jam hosting gig. Can't believe someone said he was trash. Martin is a legend in the game.
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 1 year ago '04        #67
TwinCaliber2kz 
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This is funny,im bout to go see Martin live this weekend
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 1 year ago '11        #68
bronmatic06 
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 29 26 said
Pilly packer? I know what he means and what story he was referencing, but Dam martin was bombing up there.. sh*t was funny but that audience was dead.

I miss old martin, he didn't give a fuc*.
Google....loreena bobbitt...
+2   

Top 10 most slapped recently  1 year ago '04        #69
cuzjuan  topics gone triple plat - Number 1 spot x1
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heres the transcripts cause im in canada and cant get thru to see the video even using HOLA unblocker


Martin Lawrence's Monologue

.....Martin Lawrence



Martin Lawrence: Yeah! Thank you, thank you, thank you very much. Thank you, uh-huh. Yeah! Man, man oh man, look at all these white people.

No, I guess this ain't the Def Jam, right, so I-I guess I better be cool, huh? I got some black folks out there to back me up though. (Cheers)

Woo! All right, all right. Man, I-I am so happy to be here, this is a dream come true for me. I mean, hostin' Saturday Night Live, I watched everybody. All of 'em on here, and I was like "when I'm gonna get my chance? When I'm gonna get my chance?" Well dammit, now is my chance. Ain't no stoppin me now, I tell you.

It's crazy though, I gotta talk about some things that the daggone censors are followin' me everywhere around, wish they'd get off my a*s- oops, damn, did I slip?

It's botherin' me, man. You know, "you can't say this, you can't say that," I'm like, well, how am I gonna talk about the world? You know? I mean I need to talk about something to you all, can I- can I do it? Can I talk to y'all? (Cheers & applause) I mean, I-I hope the kids are in bed, you know, because I got to talk, y'all.

Um... Something concerns me real deeply. You know, uh, and it's crazy, uh, and no fella has come up to me, none of the brothers, anybody, has acted like it concerns them as much as it has me.

Um... The ladies, in the 90s, have license to cut off the pilly-packers. (Laughs)Yep. They got license to cut your thing off, man. And this scares me, OK? Because I know women are mad in the 90s, especially white women, I mean, this is the year where they smash your knees and cutting the pilly-packers off.

You know what I'm saying? But I mean, I feel for that man though, man. I feel for him. cause she took his thang man, you know what I'm saying? He can't do this (mimes intercourse). He ain't ever gonna really be able to do this. You know, if you can't do this in your life somethin's missin'. You know what I'm saying? And the lady cut it off, man, and cut it off while he was asleep and he ain't even know it was gone. He was asleep, just chillin', you know, rubbing, having one of them dreams, (mimes sleeping man feeling for p*nis) and woke up and wasn't nothin' there.

Now what got me about the whole thing was, if she's gonna cut it off at least she coulda left it around his bed or somethin', you know what I'm sayin', the man woke up with no options, couldn't find the peely- pilly packer nowhere, you know what I'm sayin?

What she did with it, got in the car, then she got in the car with- held it in one hand drove the car with the other. Drove down the damn street and threw it in the neighbor's yard. "Here, he'd like to visit your a*s."

It scares me, y'all. It's sad, man, a-and how I found out, I found a brother, I heard a brother found it. You know, and it was scary cause they say he was just walkin' down the street, mindin' his own business, he's chillin', he... (mimes walking and stopping in surprise)... cause he saw this he said "Wait a minute, is that a pilly-packer? Damn." And it was white and little, so he had to squint. (Laughs & applause)

He ain't really know, you know, he said "Damn, well I don't really know that person," he wanted to pick it up but he said "I don't know the person." So uh, what he did was run and get a stick and scooped it up, you know and said "All right, cool, what can I do with it, can- what can I do with it," you know, "what can I do with it?" You know?

And he thought, and he said "what would a white man do, what would a white man do?" You know, and the first thing came to the brother's head was get it on ice, you know. So he saw an ice cream truck, you know, threw the pilly-packer on some sno-cones, you know. It scares me so bad I don't go to bed without a Nutty Buddy by my side, y'all.

Something else concerns me and it hurts, see I'm, I'm single, I'm a single man, I don't have nobody, I'm looking for somebody and- but I'm meeting a lot of women out there, and you got some beautiful women, but you got some out there that, uh, I gotta say somethin'. Um... some of you are not washing your a*s properly.* (laughter & applause) OK? Don't- don't get me wrong, not all, some of you, you know what I'm sayin', uh... I'm sorry, 'Cause uh, listen, now, I don't know what it is a woman got to do to keep up the hygiene on the body I know, uh, I'm watching douche commercials on television, and I'm wonderin' if some of you are reading the instructions. I don't think so. Y'know, 'cause I'm getting with some of the ladies, smelling odors, going "Wait a minute. (gestures with index finger) Girl, smell this! This you! Smell yourself, girl."

Smell yourself! I tell a woman in a minute, douche! douche! Some women don't like when you tell them that, when you straightforward with them. "Douche!" They, (imitating woman) "Forget you! You cannot douche all the time, you're gonna wash all the natural juices out the body." I say, well, I dont give a damn what you do, put a Tic-Tac in your a*s. Put a Cert in your a*s. Oh, oh, y'know, this look like a good damn place for a Stick-up up in your a*s.

I'm sorry, y'all. You got to wash properly. You know, and then, you know, 'cause I'm a man, I like to kiss on women, you know, I like to kiss all over their bodies, you know. But if you're not clean in your proper areas I can't... you know... kiss all over the places I wanna kiss. You know, some women'll let you go down, you know what I'm sayin', knowin' they got a yeast infection. (Some audience disgust) I'm sorry. Sorry. Come up with dough all on your damn lip... Got a bagel and a croissant on your lip. "Anybody got any butter?" I like jelly on mine.

Well look here, y'all, we got a great show for you tonight, cause I'm here. (Cheers and applause) That's right. I'm here, Crash- yo, yo! Crash Test Dummies are here so yo, we'll be back, hang on, we gonna be back, we gonna do our thing!

(removes shirt and conducts martial arts moves)


* In all repeat airings of this episode, the show cuts away here to a series of text screens with voiceover reading the following:

V/O: [ SUPER: ] "At this point in his monologue, Martin begins a commentary on what he considers the decline in standards of feminine hygiene in this country. Although we at Saturday Night Live take no stand on this issue one way or the other, network policy prevents us from re-broadcasting this portion of his remarks.

In summary, Martin feels, or felt at the time, that the failure of many young women to bathe thoroughly is a serious problem that demands our attention. He explores this problem, citing numerous examples from his personal experience, and ends by proposing several imaginative solutions.

It was a frank and lively presentation, and nearly cost us all our jobs. We now return to the conclusion of Martin's monologue."

The episode then cuts back to the live monologue, beginning with "Well look here, y'all."


Thanks to Tim Harrod for this transcript!



SNL Transcripts
SOURCE:
+24   

 1 year ago '11        #70
QB Eagles  topics gone triple plat - Number 1 spot x1
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The video is blocked
+1   

 1 year ago '17        #71
Petieparker 
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He did the same routine for you so crazy! Lmao which btw, is still one of my top 10 stand up specials of all-time bar none. Martin was at his comedic prime here.

This bit wouldn’t hold up today either cause of so many feminists groups. And I’m not anti-feminist but when it come to prime time tv you gotta watch what you say about women and lgbt.
+4   

 1 year ago '06        #72
TreZ 
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video is blocked...

 1 year ago '17        #73
Tempus1 
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 SimpinAintEz said
Or they stay not wanting to lose their jobs because Martin forgot where he was. You got to dial down the raunch for SNL. He still thought he was on HBO Def Jam.
You don’t ask him to go up there and then expect him not to be himself

 1 year ago '12        #74
MD20 
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 skillahmang said
I cant see the part that wasnt reaired.

Something about women not cleaning there a*s.

As a man. I always thought women were so futile. Tryna dig at men by their d*ck size. (I am avg, which is big for most women) but women think cus you have a pus*y. You gucci.

Nah bi*ch. Some women have beef curtains, which are not appealing.

Some womens pus*ys smell extremely foul.

And some women have really wide pus*ys that arent pleasurable when youre in searchfor a lock gripped tight c*nt.

Long story short. Women really have no idea how trash they are sometimes.

Shout to martin.
:s haqsalute:
+1   

 1 year ago '12        #75
Thworldisyours 
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For people wondering, it's just the same routine he did in the "You So Crazy" stand-up movie about women not washing their a*s.

I always felt like this was a calculated. planned move by Martin. He was on FOX, so why would he care about what NBC thought of him.

It was good publicity and made him more of a big deal at that time.

He was the comedian too raw for SNL.

I'm sure his ratings spiked on FOX after this...
+5   



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